I’ve thought about my life way too much lately — the people I’ve met, the experiences I’ve had. Today has been an off day, and so was yesterday, so I’m more looking at the realist and pessimistic side than my usual optimistic side.
I’ve been tired of people, just a lot of people, and the world I’ve been brought to. I understand people and life are complex, but man it hasn’t been fun lately. I’ve worried about meeting the right people, but it just seems like I don’t belong anywhere, or mostly anywhere. The people at work are pretty cool, but that’s it. I’m also tired of finding girls I connect with hours away or states away instead of closer.
I’m just writing how I’m feeling. I feel that life has been just one long, big joke. Go to school for so many years, enduring moments of good and misery. Not belonging really to any of the schools I went to. Not being able to live a “normal life.” Having so much ambition for it to really turn into nothing. I just feel multitudes away from life or in having similarity to other people.
I’m tried of going on stupid social network sites, scrolling and clicking on crap.
Talking to a nice girl I really connect with. She hasn’t made an effort to come see me yet, but our schedules are kind of off. I’m always the one doing all the work in these things it seems. I could bemoan my relationship life more, but why? It’s shit and annoying. Talking to girls that won’t Snapchat or meet right away or have some weird conditions. One who controls the schedule. Another who was so far and couldn’t take the distance anymore. Talking to fake people behind fake profiles on dating sites ticks me off.
Having been in a relationship with a free loader who no one liked which I feel bad for. Having been in relationships with hypocrites and cheaters.
Times I put all my eggs in one basket and that screws me over and it’s wrong. Times I put all my eggs in as many baskets as possible and it sometimes doesn’t always work and it’s wrong.
Yes, I’m frustrated with girls. I need to write another post about it to get that frustration off my chest! Has to resort to listening to Dr. Nerd Love podcasts (which are good) to learn stupid tricks.
Tired of the repetitive monotony of life. Tired of it being bored. I’m tired of writing these posts! Tired of meeting evil, selfish, full of negative energy people! What disgusting moments, meeting those disgusting people or just knowing that people like that exist. The sad thing is, their negative behavior and actions will never be known or go down in history. They’ll be invisible just like they will be, because we all die someday. Is that strange that’s a relief for me, knowing that those people get to die someday? In fact, it makes me happy! Those. People. Get. To. Die. Like. The. Rest. Of. Us. We all want evil people to get what they deserve though, right? It’s those kind of people that make me edgy and not want to trust anyone. It’s like, you exist. Ew. You didn’t even have to do anything. You can be a complete inhuman jerk and still exist.
I’m sure there will be one person out there to twist what I write out of whack, for trying to provide value, entertainment, educating, having an intellectual discussion or thoughts about life. But even Stephen King received plenty of letters full of bad things because of all the complex things he writes about.
Guess it’s one of those days where I’m sick of everything. Sick of present, past, future. I know there were plenty of good moments, but those are hard to hold on to. I just treasure the moments I get for myself now.
Oh, all the crappy moments i endured to make it to this point, crappy life systems and structures, crappy relationships, crappy people, crappy education, crappy jobs. Just endure all the crappy moments, and maybe, you are lucky enough to create the kind of non-crappy life you want. Maybe you get an enjoyable and fun journey — some good moments to remember to make you realize it wasn’t all that bad.
I made this post at work while the call queue is zero. I didn’t want to browse stupid social media. I need to create value. I need to write. I need to thrive. I need to excel. Someone was watching and listening to one of my gaming youtube videos. I glance over and can’t help but smile — good, fun moments I shared with everyone there. I think that was enough to make the bad go away.
I’m sure I have more thoughts to write about, but it was time to drive home. Then relax some. And I’m feeling a lot better, but I will copy and paste the above for others’ enjoyment. I finally got my kevinscrima.com website working, but now I just need to work on it. I went to upload this, got sidetracked, and almost forgot to upload it again.