So, I combined three blog posts in one. Because I believe I will get the most writing out of that, and they all seem to go hand-in-hand.
First, I guess I’m proud of how far I have made it so far. Looking back, my life path should have brought me to worse places. But… I’ve moved up. Believe me, when I was young, I was a stupid, uneducated boy with bad social skills. And it seemed like I didn’t fit in anywhere, except with myself. Even still, I didn’t care about fitting in. I was told by my girlfriend when she first met me, that I didn’t try to make friends or cared if anyone liked me or not. I was just… me. And that’s completely true. I made no attempt with effort at forming friendships; but I did anyway. And fortunately, formed a great friendship with Sarah, my best friend and girlfriend. I’ve also met cool people online or through video games, and I’d consider many of these people friends, although the connection isn’t strong. Sometimes, I’ve mourned the realities I couldn’t live.
There was one week a few weeks ago where I wondered what it would be like to wake up as other people… not out of envy, but empathy, just to attempt to discover what that would be like. It’s a weird feeling. Then there were people I’ve seen who I wouldn’t want to be, and even a moment of placing myself in their position was scary. Too scary.
But I digressed. I am proud that I made it as far as I did. Based on news, there are so many worse things that could have happened. When you see and hear bad things that have happened, I makes me wonder, how we all make it so far intact, or at least, mostly intact. I loved learning and always pushed myself, despite the difficulties. I try to manipulate my own thinking to choose the better path, trying to hijack my own brain.
I’ve briefly thought of my entire past, like an equation, how it equals the current result. Some of it makes sense–too much sense. And some of it makes no sense. Really, the ways I got myself out of my life path that probably should have taken me to a worse path, was my learning. Smart authors and speakers in YouTube videos and leaders on the internet trying to help others… and my unwavering fortitude and bravery to keep pushing ahead, never faltering.
One of my favorite songs had a quote that I now fully understand that really grabbed a hold of me; “You have now found yourself… trapped in the incomprehensible maze” (Where’s Your Head At?). Life is an incomprehensible maze. I’ve tried to understand it all, but it’s best to give up, because it’s incomprehensible to even make an attempt to understand it all. It is, indeed, an incomprehensible maze. Getting lost at nearly every turn, and trying to find myself again.
Life is very confusing. That incomprehensible maze jumbled up my brain many times. And everyone has a different version of the incomprehensible maze in their head, so it messes with everyone else’s version of that maze, and makes it even more incomprehensible. Life ain’t fair: the incomprehensible maze says so.
Staying true to what I know that I must do… that’s the key. Like I have in the past. Do what I know I need to do, and do it. Intuition.
I have a lot of revolutions that I have planned in my head. But sometimes, what’s in the head doesn’t match reality. Or, it doesn’t come to fruition in reality. I’ve altered an old version of a product that humans use every day. It’s really simple. I hope I can get a company to make it. I don’t see why not–it’s a great, simple idea.
I need to continue blogging, making websites, writing, making videos, doing those things that make me feel fulfilled. And being with my beautiful girlfriend of course.
There are revolutions ahead that I can make. But they are a long journey, and involve unwavering commitment and dedication. If they all can’t be done, at least some of them can be done. I would be proud of that, knowing that I not only tried my best, but followed through and made things happen. Sacrifices must be made to make them happen. You can’t get any place, without sacrificing at least one path, one choice, one turn in the incomprehensible maze.
When you have a good moment in life, enjoy it. Live in it. Because those definitely are things that matter in life. Being with people you love and doing things you love. Hopefully one day, I will extend that good moment into a day, week, month, year, and life time… like I’ve been recently doing. And to focus on helping others live that as well, is a big part of life and being happy.
My own personal revolution for myself, is finding my way through the incomprehensible maze. And I will make my own exit, and create either an easy maze, or a living space to enjoy. The goal is to, at least, not make myself more lost in the incomprehensible maze.