I really wasn’t sure that I’d want to write an emotional blog post again. One, it can be viewed as unprofessional. Two, people can use it to take advantage of you. Whoever you are reading this, I view it as an immense learning experience that many people don’t partake in, and I bet you wouldn’t have the guts to write something similar on the internet. And that reminds me that the internet can be a cruel place, due to anonymity.
The problem I’ve had with life, is that after growing up, I’ve been exposed to so much ignorance and lies. There are lies that people love you; that people are doing the best they can for you; the traditional Santa Clause, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, and whatnot; the many lies and hypocrisies of religious people and religion itself; and don’t forget about the complete bullshit of the education system (the most hilarious thing and biggest lie of them all–using information over and over again that you’ll never use); oh, and after that, you have no choice but to go in some crappy minimum wage job, because apparently all the skills they teach you in high school are useless (I’m surprised they just don’t teach people how to be cashiers, waiters, and dependent thinkers for all twelve years of school instead), since everyone has been through it, so you should go to college and pick something to learn, which qualifies you to get out of that crap job. It made me wonder: What is life? All I know is, I served my time through all that bullcrap, and I can now create my own life, instead of life creating me.
The past three weeks ago, I was very sick, having every symptom imaginable. There was one day where I relieved the suffering that I had felt many days throughout my life; I was in the worst pain, and throwing up non-stop for one hour. Feeling what it was like to be in that pain again, made me realize how far I have come. There have been so many days I have been beyond happy, either because I escaped an environment that no longer suited me, was able to partake in my passions, or because I was able to be with a girl who genuinely supports me, cares about me, and loves me. When a high quality woman showed me what it was like to have someone genuinely support you, it blew all my other relationships in the dust: Most of those people were no greater than a piece of shit that you should flush down the toilet.
My relationships never were really great. I never had a good relationship with my half-brother; making Let’s Play videos somehow created a bond together, which was pretty incredible. After suffering through his immaturity one day, and after he sat on my WiFi Cable which I discovered probably bent the inside of the port, I exploded at him, and all the hurt and annoyances that he did to me in the past resurfaced in an instant. I probably have to send my laptop back to get that single thing fixed. When my father yelled at me in the way he did–the way he communicated to me–all the hurts and annoyance that he did to me in the past snowballed into a giant. These things appeared and snowballed because they were never solved and were done over and over again. It made me want to estrange from my family, and when I finally would, never contact them ever again. I’ve thought about it plenty of times before. Things were going well, but then it came back again. It was like living a lie, or pretending that something wasn’t there. I spend my life being with these people who ruined an otherwise perfect day. My new goal is to stay away from these crappy people who don’t mind ruining my day, because they are too busy being them.
I also plan on using the 80/20 rule to make sure I get the most out of my time, and give myself more time to use. The idea of the 80/20 rule is that 80% of something comes from 20% of something. 80% of your problems come from 20% of these people; or 80% of problems are coming from 20% of these sources. 80% of your enjoyment comes from 20% of people. 80% of your stupidity comes from 20% of these certain kinds of people. 80% of your time is spent in 20% of these types of activities. 80% of your bad relationships come from 20% of these people. Well, you get 8/10ths of the picture.
Then the “you are the sum of your five closest relationships” really got to me. If your five closest relationships are religious nuts, then you’re about to become one. If your five closest relationships are married and you’re not, you better be ready, because you’re about to get married. If your five closest relationships are obsessed with boy bands, then you are totally screwed. If a few of my closest relationships are pissing me off, what’s going to become my sum there?
And then I also saw an article about a woman who won like a hundred million dollars in the lottery, and using it to bailout her drug addict love one twice, which was like ten million dollars. It’s things like this that make me realize to be happy no matter your situation. I always swear to myself to be happy no matter what happens and no matter where I am in life, because I know how life is. I choose to make myself happy, instead of depend on other people fully for it. Like Bill Gates once said, “If you’re born poor, it’s not your mistake. But if you die poor, it’s your mistake.”
I’ll similarly say, if you are born and raised in an environment (home, school, religious organizations, etc) that makes you unhappy, ignorant, unfulfilled, and miserable, it’s not your mistake. But if you live and die in an environment (home, school, religious organizations, etc) that makes you unhappy, ignorant, unfulfilled, and miserable, it’s your mistake. It’s your mistake, because you now have more choices and control as an adult. I realize that the only way to be truly happy, is to change my environment to the most ideal environment, bring the best people with me, and leave the others out and keep them away.
Anyway, I needed to vent, and I feel better.
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