So I’m at a point in my life where I feel like the work I put in throughout my long journey hasn’t resulted what I wanted. There was the theory that hard work will get me what I want: There is the Life Narrative that if you go to college, study hard, get a degree, then get a job, you’ll be successful and turn out okay. I did that, and it didn’t get me the result I wanted. When I look back, I feel like a failure, as if I picked the wrong college, studied for the wrong degree, or wasn’t smart enough or hustled enough to get my life in a better position where I want it. I mean, all of that made me who I am today, and I have a degree which will help me earn another degree more easily. But I’m not where I want. I could mourn the past, but learning past lessons is the only way for a better future. On rare occasions, I’ll even think being born as myself doomed me to fail. I guess it’s not really failure, but more of a roadblock or detour.
Why didn’t I focus on the right things that would make me successful and find the things that I enjoy sooner? Why didn’t I ignore some of the things that didn’t? Why couldn’t I have been born as someone else who would be some extremely successful person by age 23? Success takes time; it takes patience: I know. You shouldn’t compare yourself with someone else–you should only measure against your own standards, because you are you, and not someone else.
I do have my idea that I can potentially license going for me. I do have a lot of talents and skills I’ve developed that I could use; I just need to figure out how best to use them.
Sometimes, one moment I can be extremely happy, and another, I could lose all hope. I wonder if that’s natural or if I have bipolar. But I’m able to focus on something and stay happy.
I need to take action. Massive action and make things happen, as I’ve been.
The people who were majorly successful didn’t follow some life narrative: They went off the beaten path, and took a path less traveled. They worked smarter, not harder.
Guess I should enjoy the journey–even though I’m not where I want to be right now.